The pros and cons and peace out, Warsaw

So Warsaw and I are splitsville. Dunzo. I've taken a new job that requires me to not live here, so its time to reflect on the experience in the most simplistic way possible: pros and cons. Warsaw doesn't have the *best* reputation as a destination -- when I was skyping with my brother today I joked that I was disappointed he never visited me here and he said, completely seriously, "Well there's about a thousand places I want to go before Warsaw" -- and Warsaw and I haven't always gotten along/had the best relationship. My list isn't going to reflect on visitor/tourist reasons, but the everyday stuff of life in a foreign place when you're said foreigner. Maybe I can be compelled to do a more legitimate break down later on, but right now this is all I've got.

Pros

Decked out

1. Everyone here looks nicer than at home.
I noticed this pretty much immediately, and only had it confirmed after my boss's wife (who is Polish) came back from a three-week trip to the U.S. and mentioned how everyone in America looks like they just rolled out of bed. There's a lot more effort expended here to look nice, most especially by the women (to the guys: I can't with the fanny packs. Really.) They are also better-looking people in general, but they're also impeccably turned out. There's plenty of booty shorts and six-inch heels, but at least they can pull it off. The few times I've left my house in a hoodie I've felt a) obviously foreign and b) semi-homeless by comparison. The coworker I saw the most during my tenure here (the main company office is in Gdansk) was a local salesgirl who was constantly made up (and had the tits out) and I'm fairly certain found me to not truly be up to snuff in that department. "Your hair...something is different," she said last winter. "I showered?" I said. "It is curly!" she announced. "More like messy," I said, to which she agreed. On our last trip to Lodz she offered to get me a discount on some makeup. And suggested that matching bras/underwear should always be a priority.

The elusive Warsaw spiderman

2. Public transport
Love it. And it puts public transit in Minneapolis to shame. There's absolutely no need for a car in Warsaw because the trams, buses and metro systems are so efficient and constant. And, technically, you don't need a car in all of Poland because of the train service. Which, after seeing how Polish people drive, is a huge relief. And I can say this even though a guy bled all over the bus yesterday and almost made me vomit because as soon as I got off (which I did at the next stop) I saw someone drive their car into a tree.

nyam

3. Chlodnik
I think, in general, beets taste like dirt. I'm not a beet fan. That is, unless its in the form of chlodnik, aka the best thing to ever happen to me. This cold summer soup is thankfully pervasive in Poland in the summer, so my goal of eating it every damn day has been an achievable one. If I had a Polish grandmother I'd force her to make me vats of the stuff, because apparently its kind of hard to do. In a meat-centric country this is a nice break, and easily my favorite Polish food.

Cons

1. Odors
My parents always thought I had a sensitive nose, as I was the first to notice when the dog had peed in the house (RIP Woobie). And if that's really true then it's taken a beating in Poland, where peeing/shitting in public places isn't the social taboo it should be, and showering is far from mandatory. Old people here SMELL. Violently. I've had two instances where I've been driven to covering my nose and swearing (one in the elevator in my building, the other on a train). There's rarely a spot on the sidewalk that hasn't been awash in piss at some point, and I was actively encouraged to pee in a parking lot when a club's bathroom was overcrowded. And I often find myself moving to a less aromatic part of the tram should I end up wedged next to an elderly person. Yes, Americans are probably ridiculous when it comes to showering/hand sanitizing/etc...but I'm ok with that. Any time I can go through a day without gagging is a win in my book.

Typical unruly Polish queue

2. Queuing and other social norms
Argh. Lines in Poland are the highest form of fuckery and grind my ass like nothing else. I'm going to quote what we say in the guidebook to explain what a shitshow it is:

"A seemingly straightforward concept, while standing in an orderly line is probably unconsciously ingrained where you come from, here in Poland queuing is a cutthroat game of cunning and sabotage. It appears that decades of communist rule, which featured endless necessity-induced queuing to obtain the most basic goods, obliterated any respect the Poles had for the concept of an organized line. Such a queue did not bring about any reward during the cold war era. Sadly, the most courteous family was the family without toilet paper in those days. Rudeness and results began an unholy marriage and queue barging became a common practice that endures to this day. In such situations patience is both a blessing and a curse as everyone and (especially) their mother will attempt to oust you in line. Tactics include confusing and deceptive bursts of Polish dialogue to the effect of "I was standing in front of you" (when they clearly were not), "I'm late for something, I have to go before you" or more commonly "I'm older than you, let me go first." Should you give any space between you and the person in front of you (a courteous gesture in most civilized countries) it will be filled by someone who either completely ignores the fact that you are there, or spears you with an umbrella and a glare to ensure there's no protest. Also, if a person feels their needs can be easily satisfied its agreed that said person need not stand in line, but march straight to the window, interrupt whatever is happening there and expect to be assisted. Sadly, this practice is upheld by clerks who will stop fulfilling your request to attend to the barger's request. Taking into account all these factors, perhaps the only recourse is indeed a tenacious complacency."

I've witnessed pretty much everything we describe there, and lines are endless as a result. If you aren't getting skipped then you're being dry-humped by the person behind you. What else falls into this category of the violation of social norms? No one here, and I mean no one, follows the rule of staying to your right when walking down, say, a busy sidewalk or up/down an escalator. It's just not done, and as a result you'll find shopping malls and other crowded structures to be pure anarchy. Then again, the common practice of stepping off an escalator and immediately standing still to assess which direction to go is so common that I've simply adopted a practice of barging through people who do it.

Not actually my building (though not far off)

3. The fucking security guys in my building
I've lived here well over a year and come and go multiple times per day from my apartment. There's a little (useless) security booth in the lobby where a rotating cast of old men sleep under the premise of providing "security." Most of the residents stop and chat with these guys, but since I don't speak Polish I just breeze in and out. Which apparently makes me invisible to these dudes as I am stopped semi-regularly and questioned about what I'm doing in the building. Things have gotten worse since a hostel opened in my building and these dudes somehow have collectively decided I'm an apparently constant guest there. After the most recent incident when I was returning from a few days in Lodz and got the third degree I began to smile and wave at the old man who grilled me. No reaction.