I will force you to hold my hand

I am a nervous flier. I wasn't always that way -- the first time I got on a plane I declared my desire to eventually live on one, but then again I was five years old. But throw a couple of decades and too much exposure to the media's fascination with air disasters and I've subsequently become an epic baby. It doesn't stop me from going places, it just gives me a nice inward hike up Mt. Anxiety every time I do.

A couple of years ago on a flight from Las Vegas to Minneapolis, the take off was rough and I involuntarily grabbed for the man sitting next to me. Fortunately, he a) was ok with it and b) turned out to be a pilot, so he calmly explained that the heat of Vegas was the cause for the bumpy take off. Since then I've simply asked the person sitting next to me to hold my hand during take off. Sure, it's lame, but I've been lucky to have some interesting people in the seats next to me. Leaving Missoula I sat next to a public defender who described his caseload of insane meth addicts, which I enjoyed.

When I flew to New Zealand in 2007 to visit a friend, my dad gave me a few of his Ambiens to knock me out for the long haul. I took one on the flight from Los Angeles to the Cook Islands, and one from Auckland to Los Angeles, and as far as I knew I slept like a baby and didn't even register the 12 hours that passed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for my fellow passengers. On the first flight, I got up in my co-traveler's face and announced "I FEEL WEIRD" and wouldn't go back to my seat, and on the way back the poor Irish dude who sat next to me got asked to rub my feet, and I pulled out his head phones from the jack. I  was a general nuisance. So I think I'm banned from using the Ambien option for my Poland flight (those pills are probably expired anyhow, not that that would stop me).

Luckily, I read an article in the New York Times about how everyone is taking Xanax these days, mainly to power through the heinousness of their lives, but also to get through flights. I called my doctor and she gave me a prescription, which I plan on doing a dry-run of on Sunday just in case I have an Ambien reaction. Otherwise, I'm hoping the Xanax keeps me from gripping strangers mid-flight.