In which I don't speak the language

I don't speak Polish, and this has surprisingly not been a major issue. Everyone under the age of 40 in Poland speaks amazingly fluent English (older folks typically know Polish and Russian rather than Polish and English) and since I'm writing for an English language guide, part of my job is to figure out how difficult life is to navigate when you aren't a native speaker. That said, I plan on learning Polish just to make my life easier. Here's some tales of my language mishaps since arriving.

1. In this country, when Poles are having a conversation in English and say "no" it means "yes." I know, it's fucked. I first encountered this while driving to Poznan with my boss. He was talking to his wife on the car's speakerphone, and the conversation went like this:
Boss: How are you, are you ok?
Wife: No.
Boss: What about the kids? Are they all right?
Wife: No.
Boss: Did xxxx enjoy the sleepover?
Wife: No, no.

At that point I was pretty uncomfortable, because it sounded like shit had hit the fan at home. But as it was explained to me, Poles say "no" to mean "yeah." I have no idea how this developed, but it can be a shitshow when you're trying to communicate. I attempted to buy a tram ticket from a kiosk, and I asked the attendant if she had a 7-day pass. "No," she explained, and I started formulating a plan B when she pulled out the ticket and asked for money. Clearly, I will be better off asking for things in Polish. When I was in the Gdansk office my boss would ask the researchers if they had accomplished certain tasks and they'd respond with an affirmative headshake and "no, no." I don't understand how anything gets done.

2. In a situation where a Polish person approaches me and starts speaking Polish and I apologize and say I don't speak the language, I get two potential reactions: people either repeat what they were saying much louder, or they assume I am German (even though my response was in English, which to my ear does not sound similar). I understand the first reaction; I think that's fairly universal. But the German? I don't get it. I was in the wrong seat on the train from Gdansk to Warsaw, and the conductor started counting off cars in German to me. I responded in English ("Sorry I'm so retarded") and she continued with the German. I had the same experience with a drunk recently while I was checking out a Gdynia hotel. The receptionist spoke no English, and the drunk, who had wandered over from the adjoining liquor store, said, "You speak English?!" I said yes, and he rattled out all sorts of insanity in German.

3. While in Gdansk I went out with one of the guide's researchers, effortlessly cool Aneta, and that night at a bar she talked about "ordering a boob sandwich." Naturally, I was baffled. As it turned out, "boob" is the Polish word for fava beans, which Poles like to mash up into a paste and spread on bread. They also boil the pods and eat the beans much like edamame. I explained to Aneta what "boob" meant in English and I'm not sure she's recovered even today. The night devolved from there (I blame the Desperados, a beer-mixed-with-tequila beverage that I'm embarrassed to say is really good) as Aneta made me say Polish words like "śiema" ("what's up") to people at the bar, and I taught her words like "skeeze" and "dirtbag." I better get credit when that stuff spreads all over Poland.